Sleep eluded me for most of the night yet when I did sleep… my dreams were over the top, insanely intense, full of color, and with such real feelings of varying depths. It was comparable to the real world in such a way, I could not maintain lucidity at all… and that isn’t something I am use to… it kept slipping through my fingers, then I would awake and begin anew.
And when I woke up… well, lets just say this proper sweet girl will not even tell you what I was dreaming of. That, I am sure, is courtesy of this mania that keeps humming along gently, peaking kindly here and there at just the most expected of moments. Another perk of being manic?? That is a post of a whole different variety… to say the least. (wink wink)
Today is a beautiful day… my body and mind on fire with chemicals of my own making. A fire running full force from the top of my head to my toes, looking for escape yet desiring no escape at all… building. Bringing me to a boil… to a feeling of combustion of both mind and body. Every tiny touch is an explosion on my skin… every intellectual mind “fucking” rocks my world and my soul, soothing my entire being.
Take that how you like, I can only explain my own world in a manic mind and body. I am sure if more people were not afraid to speak how their mania made them feel physically (in the good phases), it would certainly ring true with my own descriptions… at least a little… right??? Somehow, manic sex seems shameful to most… which I get… completely. It is usually very empty when everything else seems so satisfying.
My remedy. Don’t have sex. Unless it is with yourself… because loving yourself, well, that is healthy.