…some other beginnings END”. – Semisonic, Closing Time
I was nervous I have to say. For the last couple years it has been hell. My thyroid was hypo, I was in chronic pain, and all I could do was sleep. NO GOOD. OF course
depression- the beast it is, was riding my back like a slowwwwww amusement park ride… a free one, fun, so it wouldn’t get off. It’s weight crushing, slowly squeezing out oxygen, my life source…MY happiness.
I was beginning to think my man
hated my guts, and would be asking me to move out anytime. I felt a burden, I felt I caused more unhappiness than happiness. My brain was starting to do what it does best… kill me silently, slowly, and in the shadows where others can’t see and don’t know what is happening.
***RANT WARNING— bad language to follow—
Know what I have to say to that?? FUCK YOU depression, FUCK YOU bipolar disorder. I will strive and ACHIEVE
bipolar ORDER. —- Rant is over… continuing on… ***
THEN, SHIT GOT REAL…
The light grew brighter, MY MIND BECAME MORE CLEAR, and the BEST of all~~~~
THE BEAST LOST its grip. ~~~ Let me repeat this, let this sink in… THE beast LOST.
My thyroid is FINALLY in check… it is frightening it could do that, and go wacko at any time… but I won’t live in that “worry”.
I can’t live afraid. I love my man, want him… don’t want to ever lose him… My man has been thrilled with all the improvements, and we have had some very serious talks of late and he reassured me that though it’s been difficult watching and having someone you love become “vacant” for so long, watching me become someone he didn’t feel he recognized…he was never ever near the point of throwing in the towel and calling it quits. Never crossed his mind. God I love HIM. He has dealt with so much, yet he appears to love me unconditionally…. a very rare find. I align myself with this… much has been learned to get here. He is worthy of this love.
So I move forward without the fear… yet also with a renewed compassion for others, renewed humbleness.
~ mischievous smile, spark in my eyes, FIRE IN ME~ Bipolarmuse is on the RISE~