Gazing Out At The Night
On my dresser, gazing out at the night…
Enchanted by the stars and moon in the deep dark sky,
And the bright lights surrounded by vast emptiness…
A trail of lights leading the way.
Music in my head, Bleeding out my heart
With paper and pen.
On bended knees begging for the pain to end.
The mental anguish, loneliness, this chameleon I am…
At 13, I have felt so much already…
And it has been a couple years… since this little black
rain cloud has chosen me.
Perhaps I was meant for a different world,
but was lost along the way…
There has to be a reason for “me”,
It would be cruel otherwise…
To simply “be”
For emptiness…For misery
awaiting in the shadows.
And so, on this dresser I sit,
Gazing out at the night…
Bleeding my heart out with paper and pen.
© bipolarmuse 2011
**A reminiscing 13yr old girl… I would sit on my dresser and gaze out the window as I listened to music, with paper and pen in hand. I would stare into the deep dark night, watching the stars twinkling in the sky, as if in a competition with the amazing, and beautiful flickering lights of downtown Las Vegas… also known as Adult Disneyland. My brain on fire, I would write. Music. Poetry. Songs. Most often, whatever I wrote was a reflection of my hardships. How many hardships does a 13yr old go through?? This one….. TOO MANY.~ Sigh~~ that seems like a million moons ago now, yet those feelings… the melancholy… well, it feels like it is always fresh and just beneath the surface… I imagine that will always be the case. And that is ok too. ♥**