Lost, lonely, confused and dazed.
Sad, frightened, drinking during the day.
The hours, minutes, seconds on the clock,
Meant nothing. Just an annoying “tick tock”.
Living each night, hooting with the owls.
Days just as easy, drowning time in alcohol.
Losing sight of goals lined up, goal defined…
During a very distressed, manic state of mind.
Surely to not succeed, to tall and high, those dreams.
Created from just a fraction of the one I call “me”.
Sorrow and Failure enveloped me. Wicked tools.
The devil brandishes them, just wicked fools.
But they plant seeds and plot my destruction,
Barely a fight in me, other than to follow instructions.
I know I am not destined to leave in this way,
I reach out to those, who won’t give up for me, not today.
I prayed for my babies to light the road, the right path.
Sacrifices were made. Though most made me more sad.
I had to fight, giving up was not an option for me…
Fight for them, fight for me. No other way to be.
I cried all hours of the day, and at night I could pretend…
Life was amazing, full of purpose, just Grand.
I crash and burned each and every day.
Was never sure how long I could endure the pain.
Endless phone calls, desperation… all I could do was cry.
Slept on the couch of a dear friend, when I feared for my life.
A year ago, sadly this was the tale of me.
One year later, though not healed, I am much more complete.
Sadness, an old friend, can still reign.
But now, in this loving place, happiness has a place.
© bipolarmuse 2012