“It’s difficult. I take a low dose of lithium nightly. I take an antidepressant for my darkness because prayer isn’t enough. My therapist hears confession twice a month, my shrink delivers the host, and I can stand in the woods and see the world spark.”
― David Lovelace
I really wish I knew what the end of the quote means. “I can stand in the woods and see the world spark”.
To me, I almost wonder if the “woods” is in reference to his mind, and then how he sees everything through his own eyes. If you have any ideas, please share!
I had an experience that reminds me of this last line that I want to share with you. ~ After my diagnosis of Bipolar 2 disorder, I was in serious denial but out of amusement decided to take the meds prescribed to me. At the time, it was Wellbutrin and Depakote. NOT A GOOD COMBO for me. One day, in the depths of my sorrow and anguish, I decided to go to the park. It was huge with a large pond and a walking trail that circled this very large pond. I guess it is a fair assumption to say that I was suicidal. I sat on a bench that faced the pond and just stared out. All I remember was how everything seemed to have a “spark” about it. Everything was intensely magnified and it seemed like these little beams of energy were popping off from everything I looked at. The sky seemed to be “sparked” with some sort of little bursting bubbles. (And just for record, this was not a psychotic episode). What I DO believe is that it was the beginning of my very first Manic episode. The sun was too intense, the breeze too intense, the sound of other people enjoying themselves was too intense. Even as I got up and walked, the ground beneath my feet felt too intense, like I could feel each pebble or uneven surface. I was fascinated, as everything from sight, sound, touch, and olfactory senses was magnified. My brain was firing off in a way I had never experienced. Low and behold, it was a manic episode. After days of running around with no sleep… working with zero sleep, going out all night long, again with zero sleep… now repeat this many days in a row. I finally called a Doc at the pleading of a friend with a degree in psychology, and stopped the medications, but added a sleeping pill. In hindsight, and more experiences to compare with this, Wellbutrin was the devil. It set into motion the mania that soon became my wicked friend. Only a little less wicked than depression.
I never had that extreme of a manic episode again until 2008, 5 years later. Then in 2008, same thing happened. Hot felt cold, cold felt hot… the lights in grocery stores were too bright… and so on. This manic/hypo-manic episode lasted from 2008-2011. I was rapid cycling. Unbelievably so. I thought one of two things was happening… I was going crazy, or I was going to die. ~
Stupid Bipolar Disorder