I Heard Yes
I am so excited, giddy, and sick to my stomach.
Am I sick to my stomach from excitement, or something else? I try to shake it but it will not go away.
I have everything that I need… black light, glow in the dark ink, blindfold, a nice dark ambiance. Am I really going to do this? I know this man has his demons but I have mine too. Two peas in a pod I say, though I am the healthier pea.
Love sick…sick love.
Everything is in place before he comes home from work. B knows “something” is up, but not fully. I can hear the excitement in his voice and I give away nothing. It will be a secret until the moment he opens his eyes.
I am doing this despite knowing that this man swears he will not live to see 25 years of age. I have heard it a billion times:
– I don’t want to get old. 25 is too old.- cackle
Lovely B. How are we suppose to have that nice house with a white picket fence if you can’t see a couple years down the road. Fucker.
This does not detour me though. Nothing can once I am on a mission.
He comes home. His eyes wild… his smile huge… his cackle somehow different, giddy in a way. Our bedroom door is closed, as I left it. He starts toward it but I jump in the way.
~Not yet. Put this on.~
I help him put the blindfold over his eyes and slowly walk him through the bedroom door, close it, and turn on the black light. He sits on the bed and scoots all the way back to the wall. I follow of course, sitting between his legs.
Facing the same direction, looking at the wall where the black light is shining its glorious light…
I tell B he can remove the blindfold.
As he does, I can hear that he holds his breath.
My heart is pounding so hard I know he can feel it. I am sweaty, clammy, frightened of what he might say. Yet ecstatic.
– Yes baby girl, yes I will marry you.-
On November 11th I wrote on our bedroom wall with glow in the dark ink, “Will you marry me B”?
I flipped the roles.
All I could hear was the thumping of my heart and “yes”.
© bipolarmuse 2012
** This is a little excerpt of my life that took place in the year 2000. The story is true to my memory and feelings in that moment. Thank you for taking the time to read… it truly means a-lot to me. **