** This is a little excerpt of my life that took place in the year 2002. The story is true to my memory and feelings in that moment. Thank you for taking the time to read… it truly means a-lot to me. **
He has been cheating on me. I knew it… had the gut instinct for a while. Noticed little signs…
Can’t get a hold of him at times, how he heads straight for the shower when he gets home from somewhere, how he asks me out of the blue if I am cheating on HIM. How his phone rings all hours of the night.
For some reason I am eerily calm. I don’t fly off into a rampage, I don’t hit him or spit at him, I don’t scream and curse and throw shit.
I am calm.
We go to the pool with his cousin and his cousin’s Fiance. As we are wading in the water, I bring up his scandalous ways and nobody says a word.
I hear the cackle.
I look over at B and he has a very nervous look on his face but he simply cannot resist the fucking cackle.
At least it was a nervous one.
I simply smile and just stare at him.
Everyone is dead silent, and I begin to laugh… all the while my gaze SEARS into B.
I stop laughing but I have a devilish smile on my face.
B finally decides to break the silence.
– I think she is plotting to kill me. –
I laugh again because yes, thoughts of killing him certainly were in my head.
– I am sorry baby girl. I will never cheat on you again. I love you. That happened at the very beginning of our relationship anyhow. –
OOOoooohhhhh, that makes it alright in his fucked up head.
Besides, I don’t exactly believe him that it was only in the beginning. Maybe. But I don’t know.
~ I wonder how many pounds of pressure would be needed to crush your esophagus. ~
Everyone just stares at me.
Of course I am not wanting to kill him, but I certainly want him to sleep with one eye open.
That’s right B… GAME ON.
© bipolarmuse 2012
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