** This is a little excerpt of my life that took place in the year 2002. The story is true to my memory and feelings in that moment. Thank you for taking the time to read… it truly means a-lot to me. **
Kiss Him Goodbye
I finally get a grip on myself. I must. I have no choice.
I walk closer to his casket and I am trembling.
The closer I get the more it looks as though he is sleeping. I have seen that sleeping silhouette in life…and now I get to see it in his death.
I get up to him and people have put things in his casket to be buried with him. I have nothing to put in. I really wish I had some watermelon flavored bubble gum at this moment. That is what I would give him. Silly, I know.
I stare at his chest… begging God to let me see him breathe… yet he is still. I am BEGGING for this to be a prank… a joke that B would love to pull.
I rub his arms… I can feel the hair, which would royally piss him off because he always kept them shaved. **smile**
I stare at his face… his lips… his forehead.
I thought he looked amazing, considering.
A woman who loved him long before I did wanted to speak to me. She is the mother of his son…
We sit to the side in private.
– He really loved you. –
All I can do is cry.
Here is this beautiful woman who has loved him many more years than I have, and she wants me to know he truly loved me.
Such a beautiful gesture.
I thank her… profusely.
My mind is blank… I can’t form any thoughts.
I just want him to stand up and cackle, and say “GOTCHA”… I wait for it as though it is a possibility.
His Dad calls me over to his casket.
We both stand there… silent… staring down at his first born child…
He breaks the silence…
– Kiss him goodbye. –
And so I did. I kissed his forehead with my tears falling onto his face.
~ Goodbye B…sleep tight. ~ Godspeed…sweet dreams.
© bipolarmuse 2012