Those of you familiar with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder know that we have a huge problem with emotional regulation and have to take painstaking steps to help try to keep our emotions within normal limits.
Emotional Dysregulation: an emotional response poorly modulated and does not fall within the conventionally accepted range of emotive response. Common in those with Psychiatric Disorders such as Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and is found among those with Austism Spectrum Disorders.
Technically I have a double whammy since I have both Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
When I handed the little ones over to their Dad after our flight back to Texas, I was amazingly strong. Granted I did get many tears out of the way days leading up to their departure… and I gave the three of us pep talks their entire visit to try to remain in the “now” and to let them know that I will most definitely be seeing them as often as possible. I played up the perks and did not stress any of the disadvantages… in fact, I presented it to them as though there were no disadvantages at all. So as I buckled them into the car, we were all smiles, smooches, and talked about skyping so we could always ‘see’ each other.
Where does the topic of Emotional Dysregulation come into play?? Well, though I was able to pull off ‘no tears’ at that important moment to ensure we parted with nothing but wonderful thoughts and the lovely adventure lying before us, these last couple days have been emotionally brutal and difficult to regulate. Yes, this is normal for all of us… but the lows have been excruciatingly low. For the last two days, once the afternoon has hit, it is as though I am “mourning” and completely unable to prevent the tears from coming.
My eyes literally feel bruised… my head is throbbing… on my nightstand sits a roll of tissue, and tear soaked used tissues. I also found tissue under my pillow where I must have been holding onto it for when I would awake crying.
Keeping my sadness into a normal healthy range has been difficult… though I am absolutely trying.
The day before yesterday, I went to bed shortly after four in the afternoon and slept until the next morning. Tears never let me be. Then by the afternoon yesterday, my tearfulness emerged and it was nearly impossible to get it into control. In fact, I didn’t. I went to bed after eight pm and laid in bed crying, sobbing, and just leaking tears. Keeping my emotions in a healthy realm has proven difficult. Happily, my wonderful man has been reminding me of all the positives and trying to keep me in the present.
So… my strategies to help regulate my moods??
Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness. Exercise. Writing. Journaling. Taking a few minutes to become completely ‘aware’ in my here and now. Positive Affirmations. Redirection of thoughts. Acceptance of my feelings and knowing that sadness is appropriate for this situation. Drawing close to loved ones instead of pulling back. Taking care of myself by drinking plenty of water and eating. Perhaps jump into my favorite hobbies. Forgive, forgive, forgive.
Each day will be better than the last. And setbacks are only that, they do not warrant anymore than my acknowledgment and learning from them.
I would love to hear your opinions on how to help regulate these moods… ♥ Your thoughts are always appreciated and welcome. ♥