I can’t really explain where my mind has been lately because it has been running through so many emotions.
The last couple months have been very hard for reasons I will not discus here yet… but at the same time, changes have been happening unexpectedly. I have been enjoying working out big time again and a good friend Liz forced me to start crossfit with her on Saturdays. This change has been a huge blessing. My endorphins are kicking in, I am meeting new people and making new friends… and one in particular with similar issues has been a serious uplifting source for me. I am reminded I don’t have to take things as they come to me, and allow my emotions to be controlled. I have control too… and I can do things, many things, to combat the darkness that tries to seep in.
I have no clue what my future holds… but I know I am not afraid of whatever it is.
I may feel enslaved to this disorder… at times… but I have power as well. Things I DO can change the outcome of this disease that creates this diseased thought process. I do not have to sit and cry on the couch with a box of milkduds. Ha! I can always get outside for a serious walk or jog and see how long I cry before the endorphins kick in and beat back the depression… replace that darkness with light.
Is it a permanent fix…? Perhaps not. However, it IS a tool for my arsenal, and one day, all the skills I learn, all the tools I have to combat this, along with family, love, and friendships…
I WILL CONQUER THIS.
IT WILL NEVER WIN…
Because I will never give up.
Fuck you Bipolar Disorder.